Forced Letters
by InsanityAtItsFinest
Summary: Draco & Hermione. The students of Hogwarts are forced assigned "pen-pals". In between nasty remarks, nasty doodles drawn on edges of paper, and nasty words written between the letters of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, what will happen?
1. Chapter 1: DM Don't Touch My Name

**Author's Note: I couldn't help it. I had to make this piece. I've read a lot of good Dramione letter pieces, and I really wanted one of my own. Yes, I know I must update my other stories; I promise, I will! I'll work on _Starry Connection _especially since I haven't updated that one in a week or two, & I'd hate my Readers thinking I have discontinued it. But I might have to post the Chapters over my weekend since Spring Break is now at an end. ): So please, enjoy my latest Draco and Hermione piece, _Forced Letters. _I already have some of the rest of the letters planned out, so I'll hopefully have new material to post with. I will have an especially good time with this piece. ALSO, I HAVE MY 1ST POLL ON MY PROFILE... PLEASE VOTE!  
DISCLAIMER: I am Asian. J.K. Rowling is not. I think you know what this means.

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**_April 5, 2009_

_Mudblood,_

_I can't believe Hogwarts is doing this. _

_This stupid "pen-pals" thing. It is a complete waste of time, and really, there is no point to it, especially since they choose our pals (which, by the way, I do not consider you as one). I'd much rather be writing to one of my stupid idiots for friends, Crabbe and Goyle. They don't even talk much, so it's not like I'd have to worry about having to reply immediately back to them. Seeing their sizes, I think they'd just eat my letter. Why did they even do this anyways? What are we going to gain by this? What class is this for?_

_And you know what the saddest part, mudblood, of this is? That we have to write these letters the second month we're back from Summer Holidays, and that we are in the same school. I always knew this whole school was looney. And are the students of this godforsaken school really that fat and lazy that they cannot just simply hand the letters to each other when they reply if they see each other in the halls or something? Wait until Father hears…_

_And what am I supposed to talk about with a _mudblood_? We have nothing in common, I'm sure. This is an outrage, and I am going to try and talk to Dumbledore about this. There has to be a way out. Well, I think I'm done with spoiling a bookworm like you with the writing and letter of a pureblood god like me. If you don't write back, fine by me. Plus, I think this letter is lengthy enough for the first one._

_DM_

_P.S. I don't want you to touch my name, even if it's written on paper.

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_**Author's Note: Very short, I know. But I'm a little pressed on time at the moment; almost my bedtime, lmao. But please, R&R, and I will update on my other stories as fast as school will let me! D: ILYALL.**


	2. Chapter 2: HG I Didn't Touch It

**Author's Note: Howdy! Probably the quickest that I've ever updated, so I reckon I get some props. *grins* Anyhows, while I was writing the first letter, I could already picture what Hermione would write. I hope you enjoy this Chapter... I risked my rents screaming at me for staying up on a school night (errr). Lol. Thanks! Enjoy! Oh, and yes, the letters will be short until later Chapters.

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**_April 6, 2009_

_Ferret,_

_Well, hello to you too._

_And you can't say that I am actually thrilled. You think I want to be wasting my time, ink, and parchment on a boy who makes me frown everytime I see him? And don't worry; I don't consider us very buddy-buddy either. I would much rather be writing to Ginny or Harry. Ron would be fine by me too. And to answer your questions: The staff decided to do this so they could try and connect the students to be even closer (which probably explains why they mostly chose students to write to people they don't really care for, like you and I). We are to gain "knowledge", "new friendships", and "learning how to become more social". And this assignment is for all of the classes; we will get points for writing letters to each other at the end of the year, and we are expected to have written atleast twelve letters to each other, but get extra points if we write more. But they don't check what is inside the letters. _

_Sheesh, ferret, don't you pay attention when Professor Dumbledore speaks? He is a very brilliant man if you gave him the chance._

_It is second month, ferret. I think you've had enough time to get motivated about doing your work again. But then again, you are a spoiled, babied Slytherin. And no offense to your idiot friends, but they are actually pretty much the heaviest kids in our school. Oh, it's always "Wait until Father hears" with you. Can't you do anything without having to run to your father? You are such a baby._

_How funny. I thought the same thing about you; seeing as how you barely have enough wits and brain to fill a jar, I do not know how you will be able to catch up with me. And do as you please, Malfoy, but don't expect that you're going to get what you want all of the time. I'm only writing back because I for one, know how to suck up my pride, two, actually care about my grades, and three, it's not like I have a lot of options to turn to._

_Your letter was barely 500 words, I'm sure. And I am going to stop writing now, because I don't want you to run complaining to your father after reading so many words. _

_H.G._

_P.S. Did you notice how I replaced your name with "ferret"? I don't want to be touching your name, afterall._

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**Author's Note: Sooo! What did you think? I hope you like Hermione's reply; I tried to make it as witty as possible, but I was freaking out about my father finding out about me staying up so late... :/ Haha. Please forgive the shortness. Please R&R! Ilyall. (: G'night.**


	3. Chapter 3: Motivation & Manners

**Author's Note: I am sorry, I have failed you. I've just been sooooooo busy, it's ridiculous. But it's almost Summer Vacation, so don't worry! I also have a long weekend, so I will fersure catch up on my stories, promise! Please, check out my POLL ON MY PROFILE. It would mean lots to me. Also, please enjoy this next Chappie, which I have to admit, I kind of was sloppy and lazy on. Much editting fo'sho... Also, I spelled "instesley" wrong, so please do not hound me about it. Thank-you. R&R, please~!**

**DISCLAIMER: NO OWNAGE. ):**

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_May 23, 2009_

_Mudblood,_

_Oh, where did my manners go? Hello, Mudblood._

_Does that make you feel any better? _

_And if you are wondering why my letter came so late, I was very busy doing manly things. And Draco-like things. Because Draco-like things are manly. And I am manly._

_Mudblood, I know you're thrilled. I know those glares of hatred you send me everyday are just your silent pleas for me to love you the way I know you love me. But do not fret: I will never waste the beats of my Heart on someone as hideous and unpure as you. And I know that frown you give me is just the tears you hold in because you cry yourself to sleep everynight, thinking to yourself, _"Oh, how I wish that damned sexy Slytherin loved me!" _And I am not begging you to write to me. I'd be fine if you didn't. And unlike you, I have endless bags of Galleons that I may waste on as much parchment and ink as I'd like. So in your face. Wow, does this stupid school's staff think they're smart? Because the students of Howgwart's aren't very friendly people. (Fake despair) They are all so mean to me; especially the mean Gryffindor, they beat me whenever they get the chance. And yet, I am punished for self-defense!_

_Oh, they don't? Hmm, maybe my artistic skills may be of use...._

_Dumbledore is as briliant as... a door. Ha! That was brilliant. Even you, mudblood, should get it!  
And if you don't, let me spell it out for you: DumbleDORE. Door. HA! I'm so damned funny. I can barely contain my brilliance, it's amazing._

_Motivation takes briliance, Mudblood. They are rather fat. I should ask Father to buy them one of your Muggle diets. And you're just jealous, Mudblood, that my father has much money that you don't. And I can have just everything I want. And if I really wanted to, I'd move out. Because I'm a powerful, cunning, charming, amazing Slytherin who steals the Heart of women. Hott women, mind you. And I seem to be functioning quite well without him right now; I'm writing you a letter, aren't I?_

_Well, if my brains barely fill a jar, yours must barely fill a child's teacup. I am also the prince of sarcasm AND wits. Oh, does that hurt, Mudblood? I just insulted you. Well, if you think you have pride, then I'll just shatter it. Because I care._

_How many words were in this letter? Or can you not do the math in your Muggle-like head?_

_Hating you intesley,_

_D.M._

_P.S. Have you noticed how I always call you "mudblood"? Yeah, thought so._

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**Author's Note: So, what did you think!? Love, hate, okay!? Tell me in a Review! ;D Sorry again about not Updating in so long... I will try my best to add atleast ONE NEW CHAPPIE FOR EACH STORY DRAMIONE RELATED. Have a Happy Memorial Day, everyone! Ily! R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4: HG: Ferret Breath

**Author's Note: AHH! I am so sorry that I have not been able to work on my pieces, terribly. But summer just ended (wah, but I hope you guys had a good one!), and school just started, so imagine what it's like in my shoes. Please, I will update my other pieces, and I hope you enjoy this sloppyish one. And no offense to the following joke. Thank-you, I've missed you all! Love you! P.S. Please take note that it's been waaay longer than the date I put for Hermione's letter...**

**DISCLAIMER: J.K. Rowling owns all. I own nothing D:**

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_May 25, 2009_

_Ferret Breath,_

_Oh, goodness!_

_I just totally made up a new nickname for you. Ferret Breath. It suits you rather well, it's just so perfect! I mean, what with your disgusting breath and whatnot…_

_The manliest thing that you probably do is… nothing. You don't do anything manly, because you're _not _manly. You aren't manly at all; you're actually the complete opposite._

_It's raining outside horribly. I'm kind of scared, actually. I like the rain, but not this hard._

_And artistic skills, Ferret Breath, really? I bet you draw as well as a pre-schooler, maybe even worse. And that was the stupidest joke I have ever heard in my life. If you want to hear a good joke, listen to this:_

_So an atheist is swimming in an ocean when suddenly, a shark comes up. The atheist tries his best to swim away, and screams, "OH GOD. OH GOD. HELP ME, PLEASE!" and then God says, "Why should I help you? You don't believe in me."  
And so the atheist says, "I may not believe in you, but can't you make this shark believe in You (_so it doesn't eat him, mind you_)!?" God tells him fine, and then the shark says, after becoming Christianified, "Thank-you Lord for this food I will eat!"_

_Aha! Wasn't that an amazing joke? I just cracked up when I heard it. Oh, really, Ferret Breath, you're as clever as a doorknob.  
I'm pretty sure the woman you steal are usually drunks, and for you writing this letter, yeah, it must take a lot of time and effort and whatever brain power you have in your "brain"._

_Well, if my brain can barely fill a child's teacup, yours barely fills the caps on the little water bottles! I am rather witty myself, if you haven't noticed._

_And why don't you do the math, Malfoy?_

_You Spelled Intensely Wrong,_

_The Superior Granger_

_P.S. You smell funny._

_

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_**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this Chappie. (: It took much brain power… I'm kind of rust, lol. Please. READ&REVIEW. THANKS. I LOVE YOU.**


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